I predict a riot....

.... in my large intestine!! Read on to know why.

It was my last weekend in the most laid-back city in the world. And I was really keen on doing something fun to make up for my extremely lazy weekends this winter. Well, I indulged in Kolkata's greatest indulgence – No prizes for guessing – Food it is.

It was Friday evening and a good friend from Hyderabad was in town. He suggested Mama Mia in Ballygunj and we landed there. A fairly big scoop of Triple Chocolate and a yummy Sizzling Brownie later, I wanted something snacky. So we went to this Azad Hind Hotel nearby, which was more like a dine-in-your-car place. I stuffed myself with a double egg roll and a bhar (earthen cup) full of thick lassi. When I got home, I topped it all with some curd rice with my favourite mango pickle!

The next morning, I was in a hurry to get to the movie theatre to catch Madagascar’s sequel. I gobbled 3 thin alu parathas with the same favourite mango pickle and some curd. Couple of hours later, I couldn’t fight the urge during the movie interval and grabbed a large butter popcorn and giant glass of Mirinda. With the satisfaction of having watched a great animation film, I headed to New Market to shop and achieve the State of Greater Gratification. Agent S wanted to pick up cakes from Nahoum & Sons, a bakery which is apparently more than 150 years old! I accompanied him there and fell prey to the idea of treating my family (and err..myself) with a pound of rich plum cake. While I was waiting to pay for it, my eyes fell on the cashew cookies. I made a packet mine. After some jewelry browsing and the-right-black-bag hunt, I convinced myself that I’ll not get to eat chaat in Calcutta till June, and should grab some immediately. Spicy puchkas went down my throat in rapid succession. Across the road, I saw a vendor and on his cart were the words ‘Kesar Kulfi’ in a dull, faded red. But suddenly the letters seemed brighter than anything else and I animatedly asked him for one. In the meanwhile, Agent S bought a masala thumsup! I tried a sip of the fancy concoction made of Thumsup, a generous dash of lime and of course a secret masala-ish ingredient – thankfully didn’t like it much, stayed away.

I got back home and my worried Amma enquired whether I had eaten lunch. “Only junk food all day? Chi chi!”, she shrieked and the dining table was soon adorned with hot rasam rice, potato curry, and cruchy appalams to go with it. Later in the evening, my parents and I were getting back home from the Hanuman Mandir. Amma expressed her burning desire to make my last weekend nicer - Sharma’s to treat ourselves to Luchi and Alur Dom! Half a shingara and some luchis got dumped in tummy and I thought I would almost burst. My helpless groan probably sounded like raucous exclamations of delight to Appa. He wanted to honour the sweet tooth I possess!! Some pretty fancy milk sandesh, rabri et al were added to my human warehouse. “That’s all I can eat today!”, I mumbled. Little did I know that I would find a bowl of delectable gaajar ka halwa staring back at me on the table. Amma gave me a wide grin. Should I? Should I not? Should I? Should I not? I knew it could leave me quite winded, but I was being a brave soul. Who can deny Gaajar ka halwa? Not me I learnt.

It was a Sunday and I got busy with the day’s paper and my hot chai, as usual. But well, what can get better than hot jalebis on a wintry morning. Sometimes, I think my Dad’s telepathic! In an effort to be a good daughter, I decided to cook and looked up some recipes online. “Mutter Paneer and Jeera Rice for lunch”, I declared. It was surprisingly good and I ate heartily, also marveling how each grain of rice and each cube of paneer had been cooked to perfection. I suddenly felt the urge to (again) seek the State of Greater Gratification and went shopping in Metro Plaza. When Agent R and I ran out of batteries, we decided to recharge ourselves in Peter Cat, one of the most popular restaurants on Park Street. What I thought would be an evening snack turned out to be a late lunch, and may I add ‘heavy’ to it! Some sweet corn soup followed by Chelo Kebab (Steamed rice topped with butter served with paneer and vegetable tikka, and not to forget the portion of stuffed capsicum!) A friend stopped at The Street in The Park hotel to pick up a salad. Minutes later, I found myself lost in a brownie swimming in oodles of hot chocolate sauce. During the cab ride back home, I was thinking how I could write a book on ‘Do-it-yourself Weight Gaining’ or maybe ‘Expand your waistline in 3 days’ and the like.

Hmmm… Have I forgotten to mention anything? Oh… I also gobbled 7 or 8 rosogollas over the weekend. I am certainly going back to college looking like one!

Guppy, The Brown Guy & The Indians

Statutory Warning: This is a result of one whole month in Kolkata and in an ad agency. Enter at your own risk.

There lived a man named Guppy Ram in a remote village near Puri. He loved a thing called Papeto more than anything else in the world. But the Jains in the village hated it and wanted to get rid of it. So he decided to change the way Papeto looked. So that they never find it and hence can never destroy it.

Guppy Ram sought the help of a brown guy who sprouted a white moustache often. This brown guy with the help of his hot Indian frens disguised Papeto and gave him a complete makeover. The Jains never found Papeto and Guppy Ram was elated. But then, Orissa got flooded and Puri got filled with water. This led to the birth of Pani Puri!

[A few months later]

Guppy Ram was really sad and remained chup after that disaster. So Pani puri is called Gup-Chup in Orissa. And oh.. Guppy Ram was obese... Probably why in North India, they call him Gol-Guppa!

Terror Trail, Leave me Alone.

I finally reached Kolkata! I was glad to see Appa's driver at the station. "Jaffer Bhaaaai, Id Mubarak.", I exclaimed. "Is baar Id nahi hai.", he said, with a faint, forced smile. Before I could ask an insensitive question, Amma dragged me to the side and quickly told me how Jaffer Bhai's sister was shot dead! - in an encounter between some goons in Muzaffarpur, Bihar. A civilian - for no fault of hers - is dead. The drive back home was unusually quiet, except the reflection in the mirror that spoke to me, mutedly. The controlled tears brimming in his eyes asked me several questions.

My train to Kolkata reached the city, a whole nine hours late. The rumor was that a rail track in Berhampur, Orissa was bombed by the Naxals. Almost 11 bogies of the train were derailed. It felt terrible, but at the same time, I thanked my stars - rather selfishly, that I only got delayed. I told myself that I'll avoid taking the train on my way back. The next minute, a co-passenger is talking about how all the airports are on high alert! Then, I heard about the SIM scandal here, connected to the Mumbai terror attack. Police everywhere. My mind floated back to the Goa film festival - that's where I was when the attack in Mumbai happened. When I took longer than a minute in the restroom, a policewoman banged the door, rather impatiently. She probably thought I was a suicide bomber, desperate for some blood-spill.. waiting to destroy India!

When I look around, I see masks everywhere. I want to look through a sieve.

This's probably my biggest fear - There'll be noone I can trust. There'll be noone left to love.

Panic A-pack

I love travelling. I hate packing. There're some things you like doing and for everything else, there's no Mastercard! I have been trying to pack for a 4 day trip for the last 13 hours. Yes, I am a retard. I have been doing a zillion things in between, everything but packing. (This includes writing the previous post!)

I tried telling myself, "Just do it! It's half past three. You have a train in less than 4 hours. You can't go to the Goa film festival looking like a dumb ass! Just Pack!" It's not helping. I'm slow, almost dyslexic, when it comes to packing. Waaah!

I am gonna make a list of Things-to-carry, and then just dump them all in my rucksack. OK. Sounds good. I'm gonna just get done with this. I don't have an option. Do I? No. Just pack. Quick. Yes. [Deep Breath]

As I prepare and motivate myself to be mentally tough to complete this Herculean task with proper planning and execution, I read my friend's status message on Gtalk - "Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door." SIGH!

Hey Whim, I fancy you!

This noon, I was writing an exam after 30 months! Getting back to books is sometimes crazy. But then, it's fun.

As the answer to a question in the exam today, I was expected to write about the effect of new media on globalization. I was already 2 hours into writing the paper, by then I was already bheja-fried... like 'properly'! I was in nooo mood to write something intellectual. So I just decided to write whatever I felt like!

And I wrote this:

"Vinton Cerf, the Father of the Internet will probably be the next demigod or maybe God himself. He abolished the concept of latitudes and longitudes - there's no distance. Now, it's as though Ambala is next to Alaska. Web Content writing is the new-age freelancing. A person in Mangalore is probably writing the content for a website on wild elephant conservation in Africa."

FYI, this is nothing close to what I should 'technically' have written! God bless the examiner! And me.

Later in the evening, Little-Voice-in-the-head said - Maybe you should go home and study for the next exam! I was walking home and just when I reached the MIT grounds, I decided to take a detour. Before the little voice knew, I comfortably seated myself in one of the passenger gondolas of a Giant Wheel! There I was - feeling light - going up in the air - space-shippy!

Random 'I am doing this, for no particular reason' things - I Like! :)

Lung charring Monster

Imagine a basketball arena filled with people. More than 14000 people. That's how many die in this world - every single day - due to tobacco! I am living in a country with 250 million smokers, helping me shorten my life, minute by minute. Thanks, But No Thanks!

Aaaah October 2 - I was ecstatic about the ban. It was finally time to stub out the cigarettes, clamp down on this insensateness! It's almost been a fortnight. I still see them. The monsters are lurking around - See them a hundred times as often as I see people spitting and urinating in public. This (already) widely flouted law will remain the most amazing Diwali gift to the law makers and 'keepers'!

The little voice in my head taunts me - "Enforcement. Hah! That's something you have never heard of. But then, dream on!" The Monster continues to kill. Passively. Anguishingly.

Paradox of Our Time

This one is by Dr. Bob Moorehead, Former pastor of a church in Seattle. This seems cynical, but it's sooo true!

Presenting the Paradox of Our Time:

We have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; big men and small character; steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce; fancier houses but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

The other side of the table

December 2005: The anxious final year grad student is heading out of the college. I have a presentation to attend at The Park, Chennai. Followed by several rounds of interview. [Gulp] If I clear them, then I would soon be working with the search engine leader. [Thought bubble with my happy face]

February 2008: I reach the same place: The Park, Chennai. Seems nothing less than a posh suite to me. I plonk myself on the soft bed and think about the questions I want to put to the candidates, the next morning. [nose up in the air] It suddenly struck me - I have reached the other side of the table. I probably don't feel good about growing up, except on a few rare occasions. [Cupping my palms] I want to save this one.

One and a Halfth Dimension

All this while, ‘one and a half’ only reminded me of Hyderabad’s (in)famous auto drivers who fleece me by charging extra past 9:30 pm. Sometimes I feel they have some sorta partnership with Dad, to get me home before 9 pm! Anyways, ‘One and a half’ gained a new dimension today.

June 12, 2006 - I stepped into my 1st full-time job, after my B.Com Degree. I was as excited as a jackal which found prey after a week’s starvation. (Yes…trust me. B.Com was that boring. Thanks to the inter-class, inter-departmental, inter-collegiate and all possible ‘inter’ events that kept me alive.)

Away from home, it felt weird in Hyderabad. Every damn thing seemed so new. With all my classmates joining BPOs and banks, I felt like I was traveling to another planet. Online advertising, AdWords, keywords… er.. Where am I! [Panic attack] Staying as a paying guest with a roomie who sleeps at 9 put an end to my ‘reading late’ habit. I didn’t complain about food anymore. I didn’t have a choice! Everyday things changed. I changed. I did like to assume, for the better.

One and a half years later, I am…. one and a half years older!! Hehe..On a serious note, I feel stronger. Not that the junk food helped. I met several people, made many decisions, faced various situations. Before I sound more clichéd, let me get to the point. My mind feels stronger and I tell myself “I’ll live.” And online advertising is not alien anymore to the Googler!

Cheers to the ‘One and half’ that has gone by.

Sanity Fair

It's been a super crazy-6 day work-week. Wish some concerned soul had given me a Statutory Warning: Staring at spreadsheets, interview feedbacks and advertiser emails (endlessly) can have an adverse impact on your grey cells, if any.

But then, when I spoke to a friend, I was glad. I wasn't the only one! Pasted below, is our conversation. Uncensored :P

K: im maddd! i was playing online pool for 3 hours!!!

:D mad but happy

me: i have been pretending like i am possessed

K: :D

me: The Sanity Fair :D

7:20 PM K: let us goo thereeee...

me: hehe

K: to the sanity fairrrr!!!

then we will stare

and nott glarrreee!

me: and ride on the mare

like we dont care

K: heehee...and free the captive bear!!!

7:21 PM me: let some people tear

while we let down our hair!!

K: o we are a good pairrrrrr!!!

heehee...wasted a whole afternoon working and now im going home to sleep :)

yay!! what a lovely day!

me: aaah...temme bout it. ciao!

Moral of the Story : Visit the Sanity Fair . Or better still... DON'T work 6 days a week.

Sweet Chaos

It's just a Wish-Each-Day-Had-48Hours Phase. There's so much to do. And so little time. I love having my hands full, but am I biting more than I can chew? Boohoo.. Another love-hate relationship...and this time, with Life. Exciting yet Insane. Sweet yet Chaotic.

Spanish Red Bull

My roomie 'M' went to Spain for a conference. She says Spain is very nice and beautiful. The boys who went with her say the Spanish are very nice and beautiful. I am very very sleepy now.

Point being, I want to introduce the new person in my life. It's none other than Red Bully [Applause plus Drum Roll for the Most Unimaginative name]. 'M' got him for me from Barcelona. Yes...Yes.. He is Spanish! And he is a fighter... an unconquerable one! He is angry, belligerent, and er...cute! Sigh! K tat's enough for an intro. Now say Hello.