Telugu Disaster

Last weekend, I thought of being a little adventurous and ended up watching the latest Balakrishna flick in a random theatre called Talkie Town in Miapur.

Okka Magadu (As in: One Man Army) is a horrible cocktail of Kamal Hasan's Indian and some Vijaykanth scenes (like the Narasimha surviving-the-electricity-shock one). I fell off my seat when the actresses came into picture - half-clad is an understatement. Out of the blue, some sleazy numbers popped up. The men weren't complaining though (Excuse the feminist in me :P) While the other 2 actresses were busy setting the screen on fire, Simran does a pretty decent job. But I wonder why she appeared in a dual role..made absolutely no sense. The scenes were extremely choppy and incoherent. This movie is the typical masala type - made by fat-bellied producers who don't know what to do with the money!

Balakrishna appears in such colorful shirts that he would put even the brightest rainbow to shame. There is a particular flashback, set in Pre-Independence times, in which Balakrishna learns Shao-Lin in China to fight against the British. (Eyes Popping Out). There are many things in this world that can be explained. For everything else, there's Balakrishna! When the movie got over, I was so confused that I had to spend the rest of the evening figuring out what it was about!

Silver Lining : I was Really Glad that I don't understand Telugu. After 3 whole hours of fighting my urge to leave the theatre and explaining the movie to a Parsi girl, I think I'll even survive Hitler's gas chambers now! :P

Verdict : Third Grade Rubbish - If you really hate someone and he's really dumb, get him a ticket for this movie!

Bollywood Stereotypes!

There's this super urge to dive straight into the topic. (1st blog post. Excuse my 'enthu'ness) But I have to do justice to the lesser mortals (read:whoever doesn't watch hindi movies) and give some background information. So here it goes.

The hero is riding his cycle on a deserted street at an untimely hour and suddenly he sees a damsel-in-distress shrieking and running towards him. This pretty lady is followed by a jeep with half a dozen ruffians with huge mustaches, colorful banians and unbuttoned shirts and not to forget atleast one of the bad guys has to be bald. The girl hides behind the towering manly (lol) hero, while he broadens his chest and challenges the bad guys. Bring it Oooon! While the hero beats up five of them black and blue, an enraged well dressed bad guy drives away in fury. Little does our hero know that the man who drove away, is the only son of the most dangerous gangster, who wears the mask of an influential businessman in the city. For those who are weak at the guessing game, this gangster is also known as the ‘villain’. Muaahahahahha!! [Evil Laugh]

After hearing his son’s sob story, the villain schemes to ruin the hero’s life. Input includes using his 'web' of contacts and several attempts of murder with more baddies. The process involves some bad guys with chains, cricket bats and hockey sticks. You Must notice the 'Lowe' for the national game. Chak Deee! ;) The process at any cost must include a ‘bull in the china shop’ fight sequence in some market place where the destruction of a shop of earthen pots and a cart of tomatoes is a Must! The bad guys are rolled down staircases and thrown up in the air but they should Only land on hay stacks. The end result or output remains constant. The hero escapes unhurt. Yaaaah!

INTERVAL!

In the meantime, love blossoms between the then ‘damsel-in-distress’- now heroine and the hero. Some drama and half a dozen songs later, the heroine gets kidnapped by the villain and our super hero tactfully manages to get her half the way out of the evil man’s den. But then the leading lady has to tumble over a huge flower vase and hearing it crash, countless bad guys land there. The hero single handedly takes on all these evil men and this final battle is surprising called the ‘climax’ in every movie we watch! Btw, adventurous movie directors also throw in a car chase. After we watch with bated breath, the hero emerges winner! Did you already know that? Seeee... you are getting better at the guessing game.

I dare not complain.. Cos this weekend I watched a few (didnt count) movies and washed clothes at the same time (always know wat's next) I'll confidently sell some of these Hindi movies to you. New and Improved with ZBE Formula (Zero Brain Exertion)!! So U know what to do next weekend! :)